This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
