Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Vodka?
Forever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
