I'm so fucking centered right now
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
