it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
