I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Two words: blizzard sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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