i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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