Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
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