We're facebook friends in real life
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
