apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
