but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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