I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
