i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
