i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You took a bar mat shot.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
