she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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