My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
