Only a mothe r could love this liver
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize