Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
