ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
