It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
