You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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