i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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