you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
