Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
