dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
how does that bad decision feel?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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