That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize