She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
