Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
