mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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