Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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