Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
