the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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