The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize