last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
