you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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