In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
