oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
