it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize