Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
