I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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