did you get engaged???
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize