Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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