Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
