You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i came on her dog
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
