Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
