Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
