I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
