Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize
