he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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