I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
