i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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