I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
