haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
