On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
