At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
