my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
