We're facebook friends in real life
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize