I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
