Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
