I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
