I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
