I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
