yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
