I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
