Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
