Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Of course I have a pirate flag
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
