Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
