I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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